Holiday Hell

Dec 7, 2017


Dad keeps asking when dinner is going to be ready, desserts keep disappearing off the buffet table in the dining room as the kids run around the house screaming and throwing ornaments at each other from the tree (obviously the hyperactive twerps are on a sugar high), the dog is trying to pull food off the counter, the very annoying conversations you always try and avoid with particular dramatic family members are coming up AGAIN, all while you’re trying to finish cooking and you realize WHY THE F*** ARE THERE SO MANY PEOPLE IN MY FREAKING KITCHEN?! GET OUT OF HERE! @#$#%!@#$!@#%!@#$!@%!@#$!@%!@#$@!%!@#%

Welcome to Holiday Hell

Let’s face it-through all the glimmer and excitement of the Holidays there are moments that make you want to scream. I think we have all been here a time or two. You want to literally either pull your hair out or slap everyone in the house who even looks at you the wrong way. You’ve had it and you are just wanting this interaction to be OVER and everyone get the hell out of your house.

Besides stocking up on wine before your guests and family crazies arrive I have some alternative tips that may help out. I have had to really learn these myself through years of going through the same crap, and this year I am promising myself to follow through with them.

1. REMAIN CALM! When you pull the fire drill and all you start seeing is red, take a breath, drink some wine, and chill… Easier said than done, I know, but realistically all you will do is make the situation 10x worse if you blow up. Then, everyone is uncomfortable and you’re seen as the B***. Besides that, they’re family. No matter how much you want to kill them you’re stuck with them forever, so love it and deal with it!

2. Lay down the laws of the land early. Leave a little framed note in the guest room/bathroom explaining what you want your guests to do with towels/sheets if they are staying over, etc. The clean up is the hardest part.

3. Make sure they know the rules of the residence (what is not to be sat on, eaten on, licked, messed with, whatever) AKA RED WINE ON MY FREAKING WHITE PILLOWS….

4. Rules of the animals. If you would rather not clean up puke or diarrhea from dogs or cats being fed table scraps that could upset their stomachs tell your guests to keep their food away. If you tell them and they do it anyway and your pets do lose their S*** (literally), I think you have every right to make the person responsible for feeding them clean up the mess…..LOL

5. If your baby is young and susceptible to germs/flu… everyone needs to back off. Wash your hands and if you’ve been sick with the flu or cold recently.. you probably shouldn’t even think about touching baby.

6. Get everyone to agree to bring something (wine, food, extra plates, trays, cups) Anything really can help relieve the stress on you to have everything for everyone.

7. Clean your house before guests arrive. I know it’s going to be messed up when everyone leaves, but starting out organized really makes me feel so much better. I also would tell guests to help you pick up after.

8. Get all the prep work done wayyyy in advance. Kirk and I do prep work 1-2 days BEFORE we host family with a meal. This way we eat when we say we planned to serve food and no one is waiting because we are STILL cooking…

9. Meditate and relax yourself before everyone comes over and mentally prepare yourself for the debauchery about to take place. Yes, your house is going to be turned upside down, yes, the crazies of the family are coming over, yes, you are going to want to scream….I like accepting whats about to happen. 

10. Sip that wine, enjoy that family, accept those friends, and Merry Freaking Christmas!

If you do all these things and nothing seemed to work…I don’t know what to tell you accept God speed and good luck, honey.





  1. Great readinng your blog post

you said:

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